Archive for February, 2010

John Mayer Comments Only Fuels My Loyalty to Dating Intra-racially

“Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n****r pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.'” He went on further to state that his lack of attraction to Black women was due to his “David Duke c**k.” -John Mayer

It’s always been my fear, aside from the fact that I am just not attracted to any man that is not Black, that if I were to ever get close to someone of another race, particularly a White man, that they would slip up at that inevitable social gathering and call me out of my name.  I have seen it happen time and time again, I get chummy with a colleague of mine where we swap intimate details about our respective communities and they misconstrue that to think they can say something totally inappropriate and, at times, downright offensive.  We attend one of the many social gatherings sponsored by various attorney organizations, and yep, they toss back one too many and there they go.  Just recently, a had a White guy ask me for “something to keep him awake” while we were attending a professional training.  I slipped up and let my guard down, and sure enough he took advantage of that opportunity and asked me twice to get him some illicit drugs.  Now I know better than to think that every White man is a John Mayer or my White colleague, but I just can’t imagine my significant other getting that familiar to the point where he slips up like this.

On the other hand, I do have a different set of issues when I deal with the Black man but I feel like I can empathize with their plight, am much more familiar with them, and definitely have more an interest in “keeping it in the family”.  Believe it or not I held onto my conviction despite the fact that, up until recently, I was single with no potentials for a solid mate anywhere in sight. I was determined to hold out for someone who looks like me, share the same history with me and has common interests with me.  After all, I was Black before I was a woman and that’s where my loyalty lies.

My single female friends, however, see it differently even the “pro-Black” or Afrocentric ones.  When it comes to dating and/or love, they say that takes precedence over their cultural beliefs.  One of my friends even went as far as to say that “if I have a child by a White man, the child is still Black because I am.”  I love all of my friends and respect their decisions, but that one still baffles me because she is the one that is the revolutionary (but for the timing of her birth she would have been a Black Panther).  Grant it, today there are more mixed race adults who are willing to identify with more than one racial group than years past, especially since our president is of mixed race.  (In fact the census has changed over the years, allowing an individual to choose more than one race as an option.)  However, for me it is more about the purity of our race, the Black race, than finding someone to fill that position.

Even though I respect my friends’ decisions, I do think a lot of their willingness to date outside of their race is perspective and not actual attraction or genuine interest.  When I probe them further, not one of them ever mention that they are actually attracted to these men, they can only state that they are fed up with Black men.  I mention this because I think it makes a difference when someone opens their pool as a matter of being practical, as opposed to what they feel in their hearts.  The way I see it, if they change their perspective, meaning the way they view Black men and how they feel about themselves, then I believe they would learn to appreciate everything that comes along with dating intra-racially.

Black Single Mother Household Worth Millions to Advertisers

     Last night the 2010 Superbowl aired and it made tv history by having the most viewers ever!  There were several tv ads, many of them were Frito-Lays where they advertised Doritos.  One of the Doritos commercials, which was actually rated as one of the favorites by Superbowl viewers, was very controversial to many of us!  Yes, it was the one where there was a Black single mother whose son slapped her Black male date for checking out his mother as she walked across the room.   These depictions have been proliferating in the media, in musical lyrics, movie scripts, television scenes, etc. and now television commericals.   And this was not just any Doritos commercial, but a Superbowl ad that Frito-Lays paid millions to air with several million viewers watching.   This is what these marketers are subconsciously engraining in society’s psyche, that Black single mothers is the “norm”. 

     We all know that data and statistics indicate that only 1 out of every 3 Black children born, as 2002, are born to married couples, the other 2 of 3 are born to single mothers, allegedly more than double that of White children.  However, the reality is that there are more White single mothers than Black single mothers, the difference is that many of those White single mothers are divorced whereas many of the Black single mothers were never married.  Furthermore, Black boys raised by single mothers  are more inclined to go to prison, drop out of school, live in poverty and become dependent on drugs/alcohol as opposed to White boys raised by their single mothers.  The Black single mothers have a much tougher time rearing their sons because of their limited resources and limited support system, non-preferential treatment by state/local governments, sex discrimination by employers and negative societal expectations whereas their White counterparts do not have half of these obstacles to deal with.  This only goes to support my stance that our children need both parents, whether it be in the home or as an active parent in their lives. We are going to perpetuate the destruction of our children’s lives, and therefore the future of our community, if we allow this image to become so acceptable and so mainstream that it’s replete in music. television and movies.  We all have a duty to end it NOW!

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Welcome to Reclaim Black Family!  A discussion about the state of today’s Black family, Black marriage, parenting in the household of Black family and the Black community as a whole.  Our focus is to uplift, encourage, inspire, educate and share our views, beliefs, ideals, suggestions, comments and insight on all things that pertain to the Black family.  As a family law attorney, family mediator, social activist, writer, speaker and spiritualist I have had the opportunity to gain firsthand knowledge on the social, psychological and economical ills that plague our families.   Everyday and everyone I encounter presents additional opportunities to learn s0 I welcome all thoughts.